Comparison is not the Problem
“Thanks for the Facebook post you put up this week. I figured, ‘If she can be reading the scripture, then so can I...”
This is a conversation I had one Sunday morning, after I had proudly posted a picture of my wife with her wide-eyed, not-yet-grabbing-everything infant in her lap, reading the Bible in the morning.
A female friend at church had seen it, and my wife’s resolve to open the Word of God gave her the boost she needed to get into the scriptures herself that week.
But wait a minute. Isn’t this comparison? Isn’t this the sort of toxic behaviour that is ruining our lives? Scrolling through a social media feed, seeing a moment of valor in a fellow Christian, and as a result feeling inadequate?
It could be. And for the record, I’m persuaded that this kind of good fruit from social media scrolling is about as common as making new friends in a traffic jam.
However, my interaction does beg the question regarding comparison: is it all bad? Should we immediately reject any unpleasant emotions when presented with an example that is commendable?
Even the scriptures themselves would say, “No”.
In 2 Corinthians 8, Paul is concerned that the Corinthians might be dragging their heels on the financial support they had promised to the saints in Jerusalem.
In order to reinvigorate their zeal to fulfill their commitment, he tells a story about the Macedonian churches and their generosity.
Paul’s strategy is clearly to make this comparison: “If these brothers and sisters can give joyfully out of their poverty, then how much more is it possible for you all to give, being a community of greater means?” (2 Cor 8:1- 15)
Now Paul clearly does not expect the Corinthians to do precisely what the Macedonians have done (give out of their poverty), but he does expect them to give according to what they have, as they promised.
In this example, comparison is not the problem. It is actually part of the solution.
If then, comparison is not the problem, but rather can be a positive force in our lives, how do we begin to sort through the kind of comparison that stirs up covetousness, envy, and all sorts of other sins?
A simple strategy that I have found helpful is to search the heart for a desire to be found faithful before the Lord.
In both examples provided, the woman at my church and the Corinthians, a lack of faithfulness was addressed by foregrounding a positive example.
Thus, a good question to bring before the Lord when we feel discouraged by comparison might be, “Is the discomfort I’m feeling as I observe this person highlighting an area I can grow in faithfulness?”
Consider a couple of examples:
· You feel a sinking feeling when seeing photos of your friend’s vacation in Disney land -- “Lord, does my inability to provide these vacations for my family make me unfaithful to you? Am I too stingy? Have I been wasteful?”
If the mother or father brings this question before the Lord, then there is space for the Spirit so either affirm, “Yes, you are being faithful. Here are some ways…” or He may expose the fact that this is jealousy, and the desire to be faithful is painfully small.
Another example:
· You feel despair when you see your friend post about the second promotion that year, while you have been in the same position for a decade. “Lord, does my lack of movement in my career have anything to do with unfaithfulness before You? Do I need to take more risks? Have I been lazy?”
In this example also, there is the opportunity to be reoriented to the thing that really matters: faithfulness. If the answer is “Yes, you are being faithful in your role…” then there can be peace. Or, if the Spirit highlights that faithfulness is a low priority compared to prestige before men, wealth or something else, now some important business can be done.
Often bringing these prayers before the Lord will have, by the power of the Spirit, a sifting effect. The Spirit will affirm faithfulness, convict over a lack of concern for faithfulness, or increase a desire for faithfulness. Likely some combination of them.
However, there will be times when our own tendencies—either to excuse ourselves too quickly, or blame ourselves too harshly--will require a second opinion.
Therefore, whenever possible, we should take these questions to a wise Christian brother or sister in addition to taking them to the Lord.
This is where our community’s view of comparison becomes important. If comparison is deemed universally unhealthy or even sinful then essential heart work is left untended:
· Those with little or no desire for faithfulness are not challenged.
· Those who need to address the idols of their heart are not warned.
· Those who long to be found faithful are left fainting under the accusing tyranny of the enemy.
With all that said, if there are certain places that stir up discouragement or jealousy in us, wisdom would urge us to avoid those areas. I know for myself, I had to change the path where I would take a nightly stroll, because I noticed covetousness in my heart as I gazed at the houses. How much more would a deleted social media account help some people?
Not every comparison needs to be examined with the kind of detail I am commending here.
But some comparisons do need this kind of examination.
Therefore, I would urge God’s people to listen a little longer to the pain that comes from comparison, whether it comes from your own heart or the heart of a fellow Christian.
I’m convinced that with a little listening, a little prayer, and a little discernment you too will find that at the end of the day, comparison is not the problem.